To The One I Love

Life has a strange way of changing, it can change in the blink of an eye. Never did I imagine for a second that I would be diagnosed with cancer, going through depression and anxiety and going through a divorce at age 35 and still be where I am today, but here I am and I have a few things I’d like to say to the one who has helped me heal after everything I have been through. The one person who fell in love with me after my husband left when I was at my lowest. I was broken but that didn’t matter to him.

To the one I love… are five things I wish the most.

1. I wish we could have met when we were younger. I don’t regret the life I led, I just wish you could have been a part of it. You would have loved me, the me before cancer. The me that was fun and loving, the me that was cancer free, the me that was depressed free and the me that was anxiety free. The carefree me!

My sister and I looking pretty happy and carefree, despite how mom had us dressed (I’m the cute one in the red dress)

2. I wish you were there with me when I was diagnosed with cancer. YOU!! I don’t wish cancer or any other illness on anyone and I certainly don’t wish it upon anyone to have to witness a loved one going through an illness, but I wish you were there to be my support, my crutch, my person. There were days I needed you, the only problem was, I didn’t know you were out there in the world. I didn’t know that all of this was happening just to lead me to you.

3. I wish you were there after my aggressive cancer treatment ended and my depression and anxiety set in. I needed you, but again, we didn’t know each other existed. Maybe you could have helped me control it before it spun out of control.

4. I wish you were there for my kids when they needed a male rolemodel in their life. When they needed to be taken away from the deathly me laying in bed fighting for my life or the crying me that couldn’t function because of depression and anxiety. They were taking care of me, but I know you would have done your best to help them through the difficult times.

5. I wish most of all that you will always be there for my kids and be the most positive rolemodel to all my children wheather I am alive or dead. I am looking forward to living until 80 at least, so hopefully we can do this together. To love each other enough to raise my children and our child together to be the best, caring and loving people that they can possibly be.

We may not be perfect and we may have our not so pleasant moments, but damnit, I won’t give up on having a happy ever after

I have no idea where I would be if we didn’t find each other. I am very thankful that all of my tragedies have brought us together. I didn’t go through all of this to be unhappy. Both you and I deserve the very best this world can offer us.



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